Thinking about Boy George

Tonight, I stumbled across Culture Club's music again, and I cried.

I grew up listening to Boy George with my mom, grandma, and aunt, who were all obsessed with him. They didn't care about his sexuality or the way he looked, they just enjoyed his music and thought he was a fun person. Meanwhile, as a child who didn't understand much about the world yet, I watched a report on the news about him, and they framed his gayness as something shocking or gross, and I became confused and upset when they showed a picture of him next to another man. My brothers were in the room and laughing, saying that, yeah, he's gay.

This was during a time in the 90s when you just weren't out. You stayed in the closet or, like George Michael, made sexy music videos with women because that's what was expected. When he was 'caught' going to clubs and meeting men, it was framed as something negative. Devious. (It wasn't.)

As a trans and queer adult, I see how harmful that kind of world was. I was a child and easily swayed, even though I fully accepted queer people. I'm thankful I grew up on queer music whether my mom intended for that or not, because if I hadn't, I worry about the conditioning that would have been done to my brain in such a hateful world.

I watch now as things go backward. I watch my freedoms as a queer trans person become torn and shred, and I am faced with the reality that I am reduced to a second-class citizen simply because I'm different than what they want me to be. I live in fear most days now, although I try not to let it rule me. And I can't help but worry for the children out there, young like I once was during a time when being queer wasn't acceptable, and I hope they are not raised on hateful media. I hope their only world view isn't the kind of harmful rhetoric that confused me as a child.

I share Boy George's music whenever I think of it. Every time I do, I cry when I take in just how beautiful of a person he is, inside and out. He radiates kindness and joy, and he's always unabashedly been himself without a care.

His music brought me comfort as a child who had a panic disorder with agoraphobia. I was always sick and struggling to just have a safe, happy life, and I was afraid of everything and everyone. I couldn't even leave my house. Yet, Boy George's music would take me somewhere else, and it was soothing. He made me smile and forget all the bad things. How can you not smile when watching him?

As an adult now, I returned to him in a similar state. Chronically ill, depressed, and my panic disorder with agoraphobia is ruling my life again. I have no life right now, and I'm afraid for my future in America as a trans person. I haven't written much in months, and I spend my days exhausted at a base level, so my memory is spotty and everything is just... a mess.

I played Boy George's music videos tonight, and they brought me back down. I don't really have any queer friends I see offline, so to have something like Boy George's music videos is something that fills that void in me. He recenters me and reminds me of what being queer really means.

Be yourself unashamed, even when the world wants to push you out. We will exist with or without America's approval, as we always have. And we will find queer joy even in the darkest moments.

So, I leave you with this. Take a moment to release the tension and smile for a minute. You can't be sad while listening to Boy George.